Today, James, Chris & I met up with Geoffrey again, had lunch, and climbed around the Salisbury Crags, up around Authur’s Seat.  Let me rephrase.  They climbed up about halfway, but I stopped at a quarter of the way. I’m a wheezy one with little lungs that don’t work right, and we’ll leave it at that.

Before heading down, we sat on some rocks off the path and prayed over the city, over each other.  The girl who doesn’t cry teared up a few times.  There is just so much running through my mind, and I’m a little tired of just thinking things – but I’m not sure yet how to DO things.

I don’t really know what else to write on here…the things in my head aren’t able to be translated into something as simple as words on a screen.

The more and more we spend time here, the more and more my eyes have been opened to the spiritual condition. Friday night, we went out late, to the City Centre (from about 11pm to 1:30am). I’ve spent a lot of time around night life…it seems as if there’s usually only one group of people who are drawn in – typically college-aged people (or those wishing to hook up with college-aged people) and maybe a niche or two of bikers, cowboys, whatever.

The City Centre in Edinburgh was so completely diverse. We saw poor people, rich people, young people, old people (literally, a group of pensioners (retirees) was walking down a pub-lined street at midnight.) There was a homeless girl who was totally cracked out on heroin I’m guessing just sitting on the sidewalk in front of a department store in convulsions. Nobody seemed to notice. Nobody seemed to care. Later on, we saw a guy probably in his early 20s on a bench near a bus stop. You could tell he had money, or, at least he dressed like it. But as I walked by, you couldn’t even see his pupils, they were so small. The way he turned his head to follow the motion of us walking led me to believe he had probably taken a little too much X, and probably drank on top of that.

In a city of less than 600,000, seeing literally thousands and thousands of people lining the streets, drunk and fumbling around, going from the pubs to the clubs was a little shocking. I guess I didn’t expect to see SO MANY.

Last night, we went over to Geoffrey & Christine Baine’s house for dinner…or tea…or whatever they call the evening meals here. They are here with the Methodists to start waking up the culture here to be more missional minded. After hearing their experiences with the churches in the UK, combined with James’ & Ann’s experiences, I felt my heart breaking just a little bit more as the night went on.

I can’t get over how surprised I am of how the church culture is here. What is here is old school, institutional and not healthy spiritually or numerically. It’s almost like the rest of the world moved on out of the pre-21st century with technology, communication, and community but the church is still stuck back…hundreds of years I’d imagine. Where our problems in the American church now lie with it being focused on acting like a corporation, the UK church is focused on institutional tradition.

Neither extremes are healthy. Neither can focus on reaching out to the world. Neither are places where our God given dreams are discovered, nurtured and unleashed to impact the world and grow the Kingdom.

I think it is a little overwhelming….how many people there are that have no idea how much they are loved, how much they are meant to dream…to achieve. And how few people in the UK – in Scotland – in Edinburgh – are passionately willing to take it one step at a time. One person at at time….and eventually….probably not even in our lifetimes will we see that life this city is so void of now…

Alex McManus first asked me this question a little over a year ago while we ate lunch at his house before returning to Kansas. James asked the same question last night.

“If all your wildest dreams come true, where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

I haven’t always been one to not have plans. When I was 17, my senior english project was to write a journal documenting our year, and part of it was to be how we saw ourselves 10 years down the line. At that point, I saw myself living on a lake, driving a green explorer, married to my stay-at-home husband and had twin girls and a little boy. I was a family therapist with a PhD from Columbia. After we put the kids to bed, my husband and I would go out and play on the swings. I think we lived in Georgia. We had a peach tree.

That portrait died when I was 20. In 10 years, I saw myself as a VP of Marketing and Communication in the corporate world – an online industry. I was married to someone as career-driven and materialistic as me. We both drove a Lexus. We ate at the hippest restaurants, went to fancy wine tastings and lived in a really nice area. No kids. But we traveled a lot.

Between the ages of 20 and 26, it seems like every other day my dreams change. A writer. A photographer. A cop. A forensic psychologist. A barista. A gallery director. A designer. A storm chaser. A pastor. A pastor’s right hand woman. In student ministry again. A road manager for my husband’s band. A sheep-herder in the highlands here in Scotland.

My parents always told me I lacked focus. My former employers always told me I lacked focus. My husband often tells me I lack focus. It’s not that I’m not committed or loyal – it’s ironic that in whatever I am doing, I’m hyper-focused. It’s just for my future, I have no defined goals. No one certain “this is what I want to do.”

So, I’ve always hated the “Where do you see yourself” question. Earlier this year, I didn’t known I would be living in Texas and working at Lake Pointe. A year ago, I never thought I’d be in Scotland on mission. I’ve given up trying to plan anything.

The truth is, it’s not that I have no idea what I want to do…it’s that I have so many things I want to do, I don’t know what to do with them. Do I pick one and give up the others? Do I try and do them all?

It’s been more difficult than I originally thought, being placed in a completely different place other than the States. I’ve traveled across the US and been in most of the states, minus the Northeast, and it’s pretty easy to get around. I understand how the roads work, the parking meters work, and what the money looks like. Having to realize a pound is a coin, not a bill, and not knowing which way to look as I cross the street is a little awkward feeling.

At the same time, I’ve paralleled this in my head to how those who are unchurched and unfamiliar with our little church world, words & ways must feel. We’ll be going to some churches here in the next few weeks and I’m interested to see the similarities and differences, but more and more we’ve been seeing the need for servant evangelism here. More on that later…

Technically, we leave today. It’s a little after midnight, we just finished packing. My one bag of traveling light turned into 2 suitcases and a duffel to check, my purse & laptop to carry on (Sorry, James.) But Chris managed to keep it to two bags. It must be the six pairs of shoes I’m bringing in contrast to his one.

I am wiped out. We have been trying to physically drain ourselves Sunday so we will be super tired Monday and have no problems sleeping. Dumb idea, probably. We’ll see… :)

So if you catch this post before I update again, here’s what we’ll be doing & please feel free to say a little prayer or two for us.

Texas Time:
10:30 am – leave our apartment
11:30 am – head to the airport
12:30 pm – airport madness
3:15 pm – depart DFW

EDT:
8:00 pm – arrive Newark
10:10 pm – depart Newark

Edinburgh Time:
9:55 am – arrive EDI (that is 3:55 am Texas time).

I will shamelessly ask for some comment love…I’m sure we could use the encouragement as we start out the trip!

Over and out…

Goal for the day? Make myself as tired as I possibly can for tomorrow’s travels.  See, I am not the best flyer.  In fact, I hate it.  Although I never have puked on a flight, I’ve come close a couple of times.  Our flight from DFW leaves at 3:15 (from the terminal my dad manages, I might add – Yet sadly, it’s his day off) and we fly to Newark.  We have a two-hour layover in Newark, and leave at 10pm for Edinburgh.  That’s when I take this little white pill that will make me fall asleep, and dream of happy, non-clausterphobic things.  The plan is my pill works within 30 minutes, and I’ll be out until we arrive.   I usually hate medicine.  But when they can combine a short-term anxiety medicine with a sleep aid…well, they had me at hello.

It just so happens I have not had a lick of coffee or soda this month.  My fast ends on Scottish ground though, and I’m looking forward to adulterating my bloodstream once again.  When we arrive in Edinburgh, it will be close to 10am local time, or 4am DFW time.  I’m sure I’ll need it.

Yesterday, I got hit with the bug Chris had been carrying around – runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, and lots of sinus pressure.  It took him 3 days to get over it.  I think I’m over it today.  Yay!

So, the next time I write will be from another country…Assuming I actually wake up when we arrive, and don’t accidentally stay on the connecting flight to Paris.  Neither Chris or I are good in the morning, so he’d likely forget me.

It’s off to church…

Two more days until we leave for Scotland! We’re hanging out with my parents tomorrow and picking up some last minute things. Went by Barnes & Noble earlier and picked up the latest HOW magazine, a must for any designer, and Frommer’s Scotland’s Best Loved Driving Tours. Chris picked up a few books too, including This is Your Brain on Music, written by a former producer & current neuroscientist about the effects of music on the brain.

We had another day of unexpected generosity. Some more of the gracious people at Lake Pointe chipped in some last-minute gifts which have completely set any financial worries at ease. Los shipped me his Powerbook and it will arrive before noon tomorrow, and Chris’ family back in Missouri has been sending us really sweet prayer letters the last couple of days. My allergies are bothering me a bit, but I think it’s all the weather changes we’ve been having lately.

I have been feeling overwhelmingly blessed and undeserving lately. Rich and I were talking a little this morning about how we are all part of some huge picture…and sometimes it’s hard to see how we all interact for that bigger purpose, but lately, we’ve been seeing that clearly. While he was going through some medical concerns, people here in Texas were praying for him that neither of us knew, because I happened to place him on our church-wide prayer list and some faithful intercessors prayed for him, then sent me a note to let me know, which I then sent to him! Then, when all this stuff has happened here, so many people I’ve never even met before have prayed, given money, computers, and encouragement.

This trip would have never happened without these people, and also the people at Lake Pointe. It is strange to think we have only lived here a little over five months and so many of our new friends are supporting us in ways we could have never asked for or imagined. People have emailed us so many prayers, stopped by our offices to pray over us before we leave, been sacrificial, offered to take care of our cats, give us rides to the airport, pick us up late at night when we return, salvaged hard drives, added to their workloads, and we haven’t even had to ask for the most part!

Sunday is LP’s monthly commissioning, and at the end of each service, Wes and our LP family will be praying over not only our trip, but all the trips leaving from Lake Pointe this month – to NYC, Portland, Seattle, Columbia, Mexico, Nigeria & Egypt. Please keep all these September trips in your prayers!

Thank you for your prayers, and how cool is it that we are all a part of this awesome plan!?

I had no idea how today would end. When something unexpected happens, and is bad, like worrying about finances or computers crash. It’s easy to say, “yeah, I have trust and faith and I know this will work out,” and honestly, this time it was a little easier since God has been so visably faithful the last few days with our trip. Still, I wonder how much I place God in a box, thinking I know what’s best (I know I need a computer God & I know you’re gonna get me one!) but in truth, maybe God knows something I don’t and I don’t need a computer. It’s hard to really discern the truth when lies are thrown at you all day long.

Anyway, after Shane looked at my computer and declared it a loss, I just prayed, and asked friends to pray. And in a matter of hours, God had provided more than I needed. To top it off, we had an additional three people I work with say they wanted to invest some funds in the trip, which helps the stress that is coming from seeing the exchange rate grow every day, and not knowing how far our dollar is going to go there – or what things we might not have budgeted for.

I don’t think I have ever experienced such peace and comfort. I feel like I’m in a dream or something. I know I am so not worthy of this grace that has been provided and I feel so undeserving. It makes me think about how often I take forgranted the eternal – the fact Christ has shed his blood for me…for all of us here on earth. How sacred that is.

It’s quieting. Humbling. Thought provoking. Joyful. Grateful. Yet, all beyond what these simple words can communicate.

To use words to describe this thankfulness would be trite.

I sat with Chris in the office of one of our pastors who has become a good friend over the last few months. He wanted to pray with us and asked how things were going (financially, to be specific) with the trip and with a forced confidence I said fine. “I’m not sure how much we’ve collected yet, but whatever’s on that report will be what we need.”

I was impressed with my faith…

A few hours later after number crunching, I felt a little sick to my stomach. A couple hours after that, my laptop breaks. I feel defeated, take a sleeping pill, and go to bed.

Not so sure anymore, am I?

I happened to see our pastor friend in the office today. I asked him to pray about the computer situation. He asked about the finances. I looked down and mumbled we were still about $400 short. He said not to worry, God knows what’s up.

I take a deep breath and try to believe in my heart he’s right. And a couple of hours later, as I am walking from the Pier back to the main building, he calls me.

“I want to tell you about a miracle.”

“Ok,” I said, wondering what the news was.

“Someone has donated $500 to your trip.”

Why do I doubt? Why do I worry?

A few hours later, another person I work with came in my office and gave us an envelope with some cash in it.

Thank you Father, for providing again. More than we could imagine. And more than we could ask for.

I realize not everyone has time or desire to read my often verbose postings. Especially when it comes to something like this, a life changing experience.

In less than five days, my body and soul will be flying over the atlantic ocean, something it’s never done before. The point of this blog is to detail this journey – mainly for my own documentation, but if anyone wants to read & comment, please feel free.

So, here goes. Closes eyes. Jumps.